To all my sad anons who feel like they are drowning – get help. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you are in control. Call a suicide hotline, get a counselor, tell a friend. There are resources for you, but you have to take the first step and learn to reach for them.
All my love,
Neil Hilborn - “Static Electricity”
"Kissing you is like a bundle of kittens colliding with my face at 0.5 miles per hour."
Performing at the Saint Paul Poetry Slam.
A more important question than “is her dance instructor into her?” is “is she into her dance instructor?”
If no, well, not a problem. If he makes her uncomfortable, she should tell him to stop and, if he doesn’t, report him.
If yes, there we get complicated. This is really a case-by-case basis. She’s obviously legal and the age gap isn’t even particularly severe (five years? Maybe a bit on the big side, particularly for such quickly-evolving ages, but doesn’t seem too bad to me). So, now we look to the power dynamic that might get involved. This is someone who has, for their entire relationship, given her orders. “Softer hands, stronger legs, higher lifts…” etc. And she has been used to taking these orders. Now, if they choose to start a relationship, they must ensure this past of instructor/dancer doesn’t put either of them at a disadvantage, and they can snap out of those roles to play two equal adults having a mutually-beneficial relationship. If they think they can? Awesome, try it out. However, if that doesn’t seem possible, might want to give it a pass.
It’s your freshman year and your teachers will ask you what your plan is. You’ll reply, “well, I love to write”, and they’ll respond with a sigh and they will tell you “honey, that’s just not realistic”. You’ll feel like your heart is about to jump out of your chest and like your eyes are about to drown in saltwater.
That’s not the end either; everyone will tell you the same thing for the next four years. They will chuckle, and inform you that an English degree is meaningless. They will try to convince you that it doesn’t matter if you love it, because we don’t live for love anymore.
We live for faded green pieces of paper and the things those pieces of paper buy us. We live for the material possessions because they fill the void that our acid-laced jobs dig deeper everyday. We use the expensive televisions and smartphones to distract us from the fact that we’re not really living.
So darling, when they tell you that it’s not realistic, and when they tell you that you’re not seeing things clearly, turn away. Close your ears to their negativity and dare to thrive. Write. Paint. Sing. Make art.
Do all the things that they said you couldn’t do, and you’ll be filled with so much happiness, you won’t even care if you are living out of your car. Darling, you’ll be so goddamn happy that the details won’t even matter. I promise.
Anonymous asked you: I know it’s prohibitted. But we’re not yet doing it because he said “you’re still my student”. what can you say? He’s a great writer which makes him extra hot. He has plans of transferring to other school. Do you think I should trust him? Thanks much
Okay, let’s look at these.
First anon: If you aren’t happy, don’t do it. Teacher or not, prohibited or not, smart or not, all the other factors don’t matter if the relationship honest-to-God isn’t making you happy. You mentioned in your first message that he doesn’t seem to be trying very much, and in this one that “the sad thing about us” is that you two can do nothing more than ride the bus together. It doesn’t sound like you’re happy. It sounds like he is holding you back from going out and finding other people who you could be happier with. You may want to talk to him about it first and ask if he’s honest-to-God dedicated to this relationship, because he sounds like a good guy, but if his answer is unsure, leave him.
Second anon: Okay, he’s showing signs of not being a piece of shit. That is awesome. Look at that responsibility! He’s transferring, refusing to interact with you romantically while he is your professor, recognizes the compromising position your dynamic puts you in, and is demonstrating restraint. You should still take him with a grain of salt – he has to continuously show you for a while that you can trust him not to take advantage of your youth/inexperience/position/what-have-you. But as soon as he’s at that other school? Yeah, give it a shot.
Find new ones. Spend some time alone to figure out what you want. Fall in love with yourself. Relearn what friendship means.
"If you’re not losing friends, you’re not growing up." (Snoop Dogg)
Thank you. For years, I prided myself in being numb. I was always the concrete-heart girl, didn’t let people see me cry. I hid behind ripped jeans and too-big sweatshirts and my grandfather’s big brass hands. But I have learned that emotion is the most beautiful gift I could’ve ever been given, and even on the days when I shake with anger, at least I am alive. I want to eat the sorrow and the joy and let it find a home in my stomach. I am so tired of being scared and numb – I want to feel the world through my fingertips. Almost all of my lovers have poked fun at me while I wept over Disney movies, but I pity the people who are too terrified to let emotions wreck havoc with their bones. I would rather be fragile than stone.
I worked hard to let this divinity touch me. So thank you.